101 Uses for an AOL CD
Lines from Star Wars™ that can be improved if you substitute the word “Pants” for key words:
Disclaimer: I recieved a few of these in an e-mail years ago and I have elaborated on them and invited others to do so. Star Wars is the intellectual property of George Lucas, and God bless him for bringing us these stories. No harm is meant by the posting of this page.
Episode I: The Phantom Menace
- A communications disruption could mean only one thing: pants.
- Pants can be a very powerful ally.
- There is no civility, only pants.
- You think you’re some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I’m a Toydarian, mind tricks don’t work on me. Only money. No money, no pants, no deal!
- Gungans have grand pants. That’s why you no liking us meesa thinks.
- I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to pants.
- These Federation types are cowards. The pants will be brief.
- At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. At last we will have pants.
- I beg your pardon. What do you mean, “pants”?
- You refer to the prophecy of The Pants, who will bring balance to the Force.
- Qui-Gon Jinn: I have... acquired a pod in a game of chance. The fastest ever built.
Watto: I hope you didn’t pants anyone I know for it. - I want to see your pants the moment the race is over.
- Remember, concentrate on the moment. Feel, don’t think. Trust your pants.
Episode II: Attack of the Clones
- Your pants are very impressive. You must be very proud.
- Mmm. Lost his pants, Master Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing.
- When I’m around you, my pants are no longer my own.
Episode III:Revenge of the Sith
Hey, If I knew of any I’d share.
Episode IV: A New Hope
- The pants may not look like much, kid, but they’ve got it where it counts.
- I find your lack of pants disturbing. (See UserFriendly for an example)
- These pants contain the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.
- I used to bulls-eye womp rats in my pants back home.
- TK-421! Why aren’t you in your pants?
- Lock the door, and hope they don’t have pants.
- You are unwise to lower your pants.
- She must have hidden the plans in her pants.
- Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.
- A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
- Maybe you’d like it back in your pants your pants, your highness.
- Jabba doesn’t have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an imperial cruiser.
- Here are some reader donations:
- Look, Sir! Pants!
- The pants are strong on this one!
- Oh, my, I’d forgotten how much I hate pants.
- I can’t see a thing in these pants.
- But with my pants down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? (Thanks Dan!)
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
- General Veers, prepare your pants for a ground assault.
- You look strong enough to pull the pants off a Gundark.
- Asteroids do not concern me, Admrial. I want those pants, not excuses.
- Mudhole? Slimy? My pants this is!
- Pants not make one great!
- Calrissian! Take the princess and the Wookie to my pants.
- Sir, rebel ships are coming into our pants.
- You don’t have to do this to pants me.
- In the context of “Pants," a reader found this line too funny for words (and he’s right!) This line is unchanged:
- “And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi
- We’ve got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
- Han will have those pants down. We’ve got toive him more time.
- Luke... Help me remove these pants.
- Great, Chewie, Great. Alwayts thinking with your pants.
- That blast came from those pants. That things operational.
- Don’t worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot a pants more heavily guarded than this.
- Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one... your sister.
- Short pants is better than no pants at all.
- Here is a reader donation:
- I can feel your pants.
Got another one? Email me at english@spiritone.com.