Del Amitrized Astrological Signs
ARIES
Stick to small talk and leave the flattery to him. Your moon is somewhere in the house near a pub. Go, and find it quickly. And have a pint while you're there!

TAURUS
Don't get so distressed if the good life won't arrive. You were never too good with numbers anyway. Taurus was always a pretty worthless starsign, anyway!

GEMINI
How are you going to pass the time of day, in your beautiful empty shell? You might try by asking a friend over.

CANCER
You're the perfect Dels fan: a crab. And, I don't think I've ever seen a soul so in despair! Find a barstool, and reflect on your past romances.

LEO
Just like a bin full of tissues, your lovelife needs some high times. If you can manage, buy Don't Come Home Too Soon, and take its advice. Don't go home too soon.

VIRGO
If you know who Ginger Baker is, the Libra reading also applies to you. Keep your umbrella handy, it'll never rain on some other sucker's parade when you need it to.

LIBRA
If your world is full of strangers, and you've wasted your 3 wishes, it's time to do something about it. Take Celine Dion's advice : get a nose job.

SCORPIO
Your love of sports is eclipsed only by the big hair on the girl in front of you. To some people, the 80's just won't die!

SAGITTARIUS
You've had your downfall; you're still the last to know; and love's 3 little words leaves you with a fever of 102 f. Don't sweat it. You'll die soon, and it'll all be over.

CAPRICORN
Capricorn sounds like "candycorn" which tastes like sweet chalk and sweet talk is available for 3.99 a minute. So, it's really not worth much.

AQUARIUS
You've had a song written about Aquarius... isn't that enough?? You want more?? Okay, you're greedy, too.

PISCES
The answer is: The oven. The question is: What is the last thing a Pisces? You have no sense of humour. See a doctor, and eat more yolks.


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